Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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