is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
