I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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