I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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