I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My sheets look like a crime scene.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
