so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
