New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
