is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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