Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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