i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
