i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
