Im at strip club and am horny
Quick, to the slutcave!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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