I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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