She is in my trunk
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
