Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
