My room smells like vodka and shame
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
