It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
