She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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