i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
