I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
