You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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