Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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