he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
