It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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