i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
