Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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