I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So much rum. So many feels.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I need to align my fucking chakras
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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