Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
