Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
