everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
