So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
