Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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