i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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