508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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