Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
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Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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