ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
