4 words: hood of his car
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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