Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They are going to name an STD after you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
