Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
