this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
