so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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