This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
