i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
