went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
