Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
