Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
third nipple confirmed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
