...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
