just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
