Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
