I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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