you have to choose: penises or morals?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
