aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
