I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
