I hope mine doesn't look like that
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
