Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
