this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
