is your mom at the bar?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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