Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
