Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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