i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
