he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
