Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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