So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
