he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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