yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
