well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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