hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
